


Righting The Wrongs

by pastagoose



Category: Jagged Little Pill - Morissette & Ballard/Morissette/Cody
Genre: F/M, Past Sexual Assault, auish or something like that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22886431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastagoose/pseuds/pastagoose
Summary: After forgetting their Christmas Tree decorating date, Steve realizes how badly he's messed up and wants to find a way to make it up to MJ.
Relationships: Mary Jane "MJ" Healy/Steve Healy
Kudos: 7





	Righting The Wrongs

**Author's Note:**

> This is sort of au-ish. Mostly because once I started writing it, I didn't want to ruin the sweet moment that was happening.

She had told him to stay in the city. He could hear the sadness and disappointment in her voice behind the anger. He couldn’t believe he had forgotten about the Christmas tree decorating. They had started it long before the kids, it was their first Christmas together, two months into their relationship. 

Steve closed their bedroom door behind himself and walked towards MJ’s side of the bed. From the start, she slept on the side furthest from the door. It made Steve feel better, like he could protect her if something happened in the middle of the night. It was silly but it was true. She was sound asleep when he looked down at her, her breathing was even and she looked so peaceful. Steve closed his eyes and turned to go to the closet to change for bed. 

Despite MJ’s behavior as of recent, he knew he needed to make it up to her for forgetting their tradition and for assuming that she’d been having an affair. If anything, Steve knew she would never. He knew about her childhood, about her mother who had multiple affairs and expected young MJ to keep them from her father. 

Steve climbed into the bed and leaned over. He kissed the crown of her head and whispered, “I’m so sorry, Mary Jane. I’m so sorry.” As he returned to his side of the bed he pressed his fingers into the corners of his eyes where tears had formed. He didn’t understand what was happening, he knew he was partially to blame but this seemed like more than that. He knew that him forgetting their date was a big mistake on his part but it was deeper than that. Steve just wished she would try the couples therapist, maybe they could get back to where they were or some semblance of that. Back to being Steve and Mary Jane, back to being...amazing. 

Sighing, he wiped the tears that had fallen away and sniffled. Tomorrow was a new day and he would make it up to her. He owed her that much. Steve rolled over so that he was facing MJ. His mind was reeling now. They had been married for twenty years, together for twenty two and there was a small part of him that felt like this was the beginning of the end. He hoped not, but everything that was happening. He didn’t want this to be the end and he was going to do anything and everything in his power to make sure that it wasn’t. He had meant it when they said their vows, he wanted to spend the rest of his days with her. He just wasn’t sure if she still felt the same. 

It wasn’t about the sex, not really. If he could just, hold her while she slept like he used to he’d be happy. He missed that kind of intimacy and he didn’t know how to explain that to her without it seeming like all he wanted from her was sex because that was always her first assumption. It wasn’t that she was just pulling away physically, she was pulling away in every aspect of their lives. He saw it in her relationship with Frankie. Things had always been slightly tense but in the last year it had gotten worse. With Nick, she was pushing him more and more and Steve was beginning to wonder if Nick could take much more. 

Steve knew that he needed to sleep, he had to be up earlier than normal to go in for the case that he had put the finishing touches on tonight, but there was a part of him that wanted to get ahold of one of the partners and have them take care of it. He wanted to stay home tomorrow and find a way to make this up to MJ. Maybe they could spend the day doing something - not the tree, the tree was already decorated. She had done it without him and without the kids, neither of them were home yet. The thought of MJ downstairs decorating the tree by herself broke his heart and it was his fault that she had had to do that. 

Steve glanced at the clock, it was nearing two in the morning and at this point he had been laying there staring at MJ as she slept for two hours and the entire time she had been sleeping soundly. Now she was beginning to become restless. Steve sat up and turned towards her, watching for her next movements, maybe she was just resettling in her sleep. As the minutes passed, she became more and more restless. Before it got any worse, he reached over to run a hand down her arm, much like they used to do with Frankie when she was around seven and had nightly nightmares. “MJ, wake up,” he used a hand to brush the hair off of her face, “Mary Jane, it’s just a dream. Wake up.”

MJ pushed his hand away from her face, “I’m fine,” she mumbled, still mostly asleep, “just a d-,” she rolled away from him, “it was nothing.”

Steve sighed, “MJ, honey,” this was exactly what he’d been thinking about. Always pushing him away when clearly she wasn’t okay. 

She was already falling back asleep and was slowly falling towards his direction. Steve didn’t move, holding his breath. MJ rolled over and tucked herself into him. He was almost afraid of moving, he didn’t know how she’d react if he did move and realized that he was so close even if it was of her own subconscious doing. Steve kept his position and continued to watch her sleep for a little while longer. 

At some point Steve had fallen asleep, and when his alarm went off, he was surprised to find MJ still where he remembered her being when he fell asleep. Had she not set her alarm? He moved with care to turn his alarm off before it woke her up. After settling himself back down, he kissed the top of his wife’s head. 

The time was crucial now, he was unsure of if he should leave her the way she was for when she woke up or get himself out of bed to call in. Before he had a chance to make the decision, MJ began to wake up. When Steve noticed her eyes open, he smiled a little, “good morning,” he said with a bit of hesitation. 

MJ didn’t say anything, she sat there for a moment in silence. She closed her eyes again before rubbing them and opening them. A sense of panic had yet to set in, “I don’t think I’ve slept that well since...before the crash,” she said. “How long have I been like this?”

“Maybe since around two. I think you were having a dream,” Steve said, “I woke you up and you kind of just curled into me, like you used to.”

She nodded against him, “I don’t even remember having the nightmare,” she said quietly. She was sure that Steve hadn’t heard her but he had. 

Nightmare. It had been more than a dream. “Nightmare?” He asked, “honey, do you want to talk about it?” 

“Absolutely not. I shouldn’t have even said anything,” MJ said. She pulled away from him before throwing the blankets off of herself, “what time is it? Aren’t you late for work?” 

Steve sighed, “I’m not going in today. They can handle closing the case without me, the hard part is done. I was thinking that we could do something today, together, just you and me, to make up for the Christmas tree date.” He said before climbing out of bed too. “I know that I fucked up, MJ. I am so sorry. I know that’s what I always say, that I’m sorry, but I am. I can’t believe that I let myself forget about it.” Steve watched as she stood there, her mouth falling open. He could tell that she was surprised by his apology. He understood why she was surprised, but it had taken this, him forgetting their yearly tradition, for him to really realize that while yes, something had been going on with MJ that was causing her to act differently than she normally would, he too was to blame for the rift in their marriage. 

She stood there, thinking about his words. He wanted to do something together, just the two of them. That would be difficult. She didn’t know how to act when it was just the two of them anymore. She was still confused by the fact that she had willingly slept in his arms, something she hadn’t done since before the crash. The more that she thought about it, the more she realized that she had missed that. Steve used to feel like such a safe space for her and now he didn’t all because of- she shook her head, willing the thought away. “If you’re sure about not going in,” she said. “I have some stuff that I need to get done this morning, but I guess we can find something to do.”

As he gave a nod, Steve moved around to the other side of the bed, “I can tag along while you run your errands, if that’s okay.”

MJ smiled a little, “you can come. I need to get ready, you can have the bathroom in about forty minutes.”

* * *

MJ walked into the bathroom and put her hands on the counter and took a deep breath. She wasn’t sure how she felt. Having woken up in Steve’s arms made her feel a sense of security she hadn’t felt in so long. She knew that they had a long way to go, but this felt like they were on their way to some semblance of being okay. That alone didn’t erase the anxiety she felt but while she still felt it with Steve, there was a renewed sense of clam that she felt with him and it was comforting. 

As she went through the motions of her morning routine, she began to feel the panic rise. By the time she finished, she almost wanted to tell Steve that she didn’t want him to come anymore, but she had seen the excitement in his eyes when she had relented and said that he could come with her. It reminded her of the first time she had said yes when he asked her to get coffee with him. 

Walking out of the bathroom, she was met with Steve’s back as he had three outfits laid out on the bed in front of him, trying to decide what to wear. When she inspected them closer, she noted that they were all things that she had said something positive about in the past. “Your turn,” she said as she walked passed him into the closet to get dressed. 

Steve walked into the bathroom to do a few things that would take him ten minutes tops. He had a feeling today would be a good day and he only hoped that he was right. Something had happened overnight and he didn’t want to ruin it. It was even different than the morning that he had gone in late because they were celebrating Nick’s Harvard acceptance. As he brushed his teeth, Steve thought about what he could do to make it up to her. They had yet to buy their yearly Christmas ornament, maybe they could do that. Go into the city, make a day of it. 

When he finished, Steve walked out into their bedroom and saw what MJ was wearing and knew immediately what he was going to wear. Reaching for the light blue sweater that matched MJ’s eyes, he threw it on. “Are you ready?” He asked.

Mary Jane finished tucking her top in and nodded, “do you have anything in mind?” she asked as she opened the bedroom door. 

Following her into the hallway, he closed the door behind himself, “I was thinking we could go look for our yearly ornament since we haven’t done that yet and then we can go into the city for a few hours and go to that little restaurant you like in midtown, walk around for a bit?” He suggested. “Where are we headed first?” 

“I’d like that,” she said. “Grocery store and then back here to drop things off and then we can go into the city?”

“I’ll drive,” Steve said. MJ nodded and then tossed him the keys. 

* * *

Their day was full. While they spent their time in a very low-key way, it was exhausting. When they got home, it was already getting late and was close to when she would be going to bed anyways. MJ started up the stairs and Steve followed close behind. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about MJ waking up after the start of her nightmare and wanted to see if she would discuss it with him. They got ready for bed side by side in their bathroom and as they walked out to the bed, Steve had finally worked up the courage to ask her about it. 

Steve watched as MJ grabbed her book that sat beside her bed as they climbed in. “Hey. I wanted to talk to you about something before you get invested in your book if that’s okay.” He then watched as MJ’s eyes filled with fear, “it’s okay if you don’t, MJ, I just wanted to ask.”

MJ nodded, she was truly terrified of what was about to come out of his mouth, “I guess that’s okay.”

“Last night, when you woke up. You said something about a nightmare,” he started, “you seemed very alarmed when you woke up.”

Here it went. She wasn’t ready to talk about that, but she knew that he wouldn’t let up once he started. That was just his personality. “I did,” she said. “There’s a lot you don’t know,” she started. She didn’t know where this newfound courage was coming from but she wasn’t going to question it. Maybe it would do some good telling Steve...everything. 

“That’s okay. You know I love you. No matter what, take your time.”

MJ nodded and turned towards him, her hands in her lap, “I’ve been having a recurring nightmare. In this nightmare it’s like I’m reliving something that happened years ago.”

The worst was going through Steve’s head and if he was correct he could only imagine how MJ was feeling, how she had felt and how hard this was for her. He watched as her eyes filled with tears and her hands began to shake in her lap. Steve reached out and took her hands in his, running his thumbs against the backs of her hands, “hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

She held onto his hands tightly, as if they were a lifeline keeping her afloat. While she felt some sort of courage to tell him, she was also terrified of the repercussions of telling him what had happened. She didn’t know how Steve was going to react, but she hoped that his behavior over the last eighteen hours was a sign of how things were going to go from now on. MJ took a deep breath before continuing. “About two years before we met, so my sophomore year,” she clarified, “I had gone to a frat party, which was my first mistake.” MJ dropped one of Steve’s hands so that she could wipe the tears away that had started to fall down her cheeks. Before continuing to speak, MJ picked the hand back up and squeezed and Steve squeezed back. “I had had a lot to drink, way more than I had drank before but everyone was having a good time and I just kept drinking and this guy kept bringing me more and more to drink.”

Mary Jane took a deep breath, so far so good. Steve was just letting her say what she needed, he wasn’t speaking, but he was there for her, that much she could tell. He never once loosened his grip on her hands. After a few minutes of silence, MJ started again, “I woke up the next morning in a strange bed, with stuffed animals around my head and my clothes were…” she stopped speaking, she couldn’t speak anymore. Her breathing was coming quicker with each word she said. 

For the first time since MJ had started speaking, Steve spoke up, “Mary Jane, honey, look at me.” He used one of his hands to lift her chin up, “can you focus on my breathing, breath with me?” He asked. He took note of MJ starting to breath with him, slowly, in and out. It took a few minutes, but her breathing came back to normal and she had curled herself against Steve. “MJ, have you ever told anyone about that?” he asked. 

He felt her shake her head, “why would I?” She asked. “It was my fault, I made the decision to go to that party, I made the decision to have those drinks. My decisions had consequences,” she explained, as if it were black and white. 

Steve couldn’t believe what he was hearing. She had been raped, whether or not she said the words, that’s what had happened. “But it wasn’t your fault,” he said, “whoever made the decision to-” he stopped. He had noticed that she hadn’t said rape so he was making the decision to not use it either, “do that, is at fault. They knew you weren’t in the right mind, MJ, and they still chose to do that.” 

“That may be true, but I still made the choice to drink that much. It’s my fault too.” 

He let that bit of the conversation be and continued, “regardless, I’m sorry that that happened to you, MJ. I am so proud of you for opening up about it,” he said, “I understand that it was hard for you to tell me.”

MJ sat up a little bit, “I love you, so much. I was so scared that you were going to be angry with me, that you wouldn’t love me anymore,” she said looking at him. “I think that I’m ready to see that therapist you talked about,” she admitted, “today really opened my eyes.”

Steve nodded, “thank you.”

“No, Steve, thank you. Thank you for today. I missed spending that much time with you, just being us, just doing whatever we want to do without having to worry about the kids.”

“Lets just make it a thing from now on, once a month. I’ll take a day off and we can do whatever you want to do.”

MJ smiled, “I’d like that.”


End file.
